Area Man's Bathroom A Monument To Ongoing War Against His Own Disgusting Body

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Vol 46 Issue 38

New Game Set In Michael Jackson's World

Planet Michael, a "massively multiplayer online virtual world" based on imagery from Michael Jackson's songs and videos, is being developed by game publisher SEE Virtual Worlds.
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Area Man's Bathroom A Monument To Ongoing War Against His Own Disgusting Body

BURLINGTON, VT—The gels, ointments, and mechanical grooming devices strewn across 28-year-old Micah Russell's bathroom stood in mute testimony Wednesday to the seemingly endless battle of attrition the local man has waged against his own repulsive physique since entering adulthood. "Looks like I'm almost out of Lotrimin," Russell said as he leaned over his facial-hair-speckled sink to retrieve a tube of daily-use eczema cream from his medicine cabinet. "Oh, man, a new zit." Earlier this week, Russell was forced to open yet another revolting front in the war with his body by adding Cottonelle lotion-infused personal wipes to his grotesque arsenal of toilet papers.

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