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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Area Man’s Emotional State Completely Dependent On Outcome Of Professional Sporting Event


DAYTON, OH—Noting that he does not possess a financial or otherwise tangible investment in the competitions, sources confirmed Thursday that local man David Milburn’s emotional state is completely dependent on the outcome of professional sporting events. “When they win I am happy, but when they lose I am sad,” said the man whose entire outlook on a given day will be determined solely by how a group of people he does not know perform in a recreational game that afternoon. “Occasionally my team makes me furious and my whole week is ruined. On the other hand, sometimes they also make me feel really proud. I can feel a lot of things; it just depends on the game.” Household sources added that Milburn, the best and worst days of whose life correlate to the dates of past games that are ultimately meaningless, also appears to believe that actively encouraging or admonishing teams from his living room has some bearing on their likelihood of success.

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