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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Area Mom Disappointed No One Noticed Mastectomy

LOUISVILLE, KY—Local resident Joanne Cobb, 43, was disappointed Monday when family members failed to comment on her new mastectomy, which she received during a noon appointment while her husband was at work and her three children were at school. "I mean, I look completely different," said Cobb, who had nearly five inches trimmed from her right breast. "I didn't expect them to make a huge fuss, but a little recognition would've been nice." Cobb added that, if this is the kind of reaction she can expect, she might as well cancel her cervical exam next Thursday.

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