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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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Area Power Walker Looks Just Ridiculous

SAUSALITO, CA—A report released Friday by Sausalito city officials revealed that area fitness enthusiast and power walker Linda Williams looks absolutely ridiculous. "Oh, man," the report reads in part, "she looks so absurd. Look at the way she frantically thrusts her arms forward, like some sort of spastic, convulsing marionette. And what is with that bizarre lurching she does with her shoulders and neck?" The report also questioned whether Williams has any idea at all just how unbelievably stupid she looks.

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