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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Area Priest To Get Out Of Priesthood As Soon As Parents Die

BROCKTON, MA—Father Sean Lonergan, 36, a priest at St. Veronica Catholic Church, told reporters Tuesday that he plans to give up the collar when his parents die. "I've come to the realization that the priesthood is not for me, but it would crush Mom and Dad to see me abandon my faith," Lonergan said. "They've always been so good to me and my four brothers, so I can wait." Lonergan said both his parents have lived hard lives and couldn't possibly have more than 20-odd years left in them.

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