adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
End Of Section
  • More News

Area Sales Rep Played A Little Football Back In College

LIVONIA, MI–Following a discussion of the Detroit Lions with a potential customer Monday, Kwik-Kool Heating & Air Conditioning sales representative Kevin Resnick mentioned that he played a little football back in college.

Sales rep Kevin Resnick, 36, admits to having "tossed the pigskin around a bit."

"Speaking of football, I used to toss the pigskin around a bit myself," the 36-year-old told Little Red Barn Plush Toys CEO Grant Nussbaum, who was looking into a Kwik-Kool heat and air system for his new factory. "Yup, played two full seasons at Central Michigan. I was a walk-on as a freshman, but by sophomore year, I practically had a full ride."

During the one-hour meeting at Little Red Barn's Livonia headquarters, Nussbaum learned that Resnick played defensive back at CMU for two years, but blew out his right knee in May 1983.

"It was the annual spring intrasquad game, between my sophomore and junior year, and on the very first play from scrimmage I tore my ACL," Resnick told the toy manufacturer. "And that pretty much ended that."

"I still remember those practices," said Resnick, unfolding a glossy Kwik-Kool brochure. "Coach Meijer would put us through hell, pardon my French. The first week of training camp, we'd run 10 miles in full pads every morning and then cool down with something easy, like, oh, 25 windsprints. And even us guys who weren't starters had to do the full thing. It was insane."

"But it was a good experience," Resnick added. "Meijer was a tough bastard, but he taught me a lot about life."

Mark Meijer, retired but still living in Mt. Pleasant near the CMU campus, said he could not recall Resnick specifically, but noted that "all of [his] players were good, solid boys."

"I've put on a few pounds since then, of course," said Resnick, patting his growing paunch. "But I do try to get out and shoot some hoops now and then, and I play in the company's volleyball league every summer."

According to Resnick, "keeping physically active is the key to staying mentally active." Throughout his 11 years at Kwik-Kool, he has had the opportunity to share such bits of wisdom with coworkers, heating-and-cooling-industry suppliers, and Kwik-Kool clients, whom he frequently treats to expenses-paid lunches at local taverns.

"Those were some of the best years of my life," Resnick said during one such three-hour meeting at J.T. McBleacher's Sports Pub with Denkinger Lanes owner Russ Denkinger, who was considering a new air-conditioning system for his bowling alley. "Being out there under the lights during a big game, everyone cheering–what a high. Of course, I only saw a few minutes of game time–it was a very seasoned team. But you should have seen that locker room after a win. Man, that was brotherhood."

Denkinger ultimately decided not to purchase a system from Resnick.

Despite his reminiscing, Resnick is anything but living in the past, and is "extremely excited" about his future with Kwik-Kool, a fast-growing company that has doubled its revenues over the last decade and has plans to branch out with offices as far away as Fort Wayne, IN, in the next 18 months.

"I've got a great life–a beautiful wife, two great kids, and a new 21-foot Sea Ray," said Resnick, pulling a picture of the motorboat from his wallet. "I'm pretty much right on track in terms of the goals I've set and where I wanted to see myself at 35."

Though he has not yet been tapped for any management positions at the company, Resnick did sell the most units in the third quarter of 1995, an achievement that earned him Kwik-Kool "Sales Star Of The Month" honors for September of that year.

"Kevin may not be our star player, but he's a very important member of the Kwik-Kool team," said Dale Rindfleisch, Kwik-Kool regional manager and starting third baseman for George Mason University from 1983 to 1985. "To succeed in business, as in sports, you need more than great starters–you also need a solid bench."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close