Area Senior Stays Active

Top Headlines

Recent News

What It Costs To Host The Olympic Games

Boston announced this week it will pull its bid for the 2024 Olympics, due in part to the huge costs associated with the games that could become a taxpayer burden. Here is a breakdown of what the Olympics cost their host cities

Resolute Congress Passes Second Amendment Again

WASHINGTON—Easily securing the requisite two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate, a resolute United States Congress responded to the ongoing national debate on gun rights Tuesday by passing the Second Amendment again.

The Life And Works Of Dr. Seuss

A 50-year-old manuscript by the late Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is being released this week, captivating nostalgic readers who grew up on seven decades of children’s books from the prolific author. Here are some highlights from Dr. Seuss’ life and work
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Originality

Area Senior Stays Active

MIDDLEBURY, VT—Life begins at 90! So goes the motto of spunky area senior Archibald Munson, 91 years young and still as active as ever. While others may imagine retired life to be dull, this resident of the Middlebury Home For The Aged stays active and vital with his favorite hobby—filling his trousers with his own bowel movements up to 40 hours a week.

State-regulated dietary requirements guarantee that Munson gets three high-roughage meals a day, keeping him regular and ensuring the hefty, high-volume defecations that keep him on top of his game. While nursing-home staffers say that trouser-filling among 90-year-olds is common, Munson continually impresses, rising above the crowd with the most voluminously packed trousers on the ward.

Yes, while many seniors fill their pants on occasion, Munson is clearly the champ. Moving his bowels with incredible regularity allows this sporty old-timer to stay in tip-top shape, a lesson we could learn from.

"He's not very lucid, as over the years Alzheimer's has caused most of the higher functions of his brain to erode," said Dr. Frank Gehry, who checks in on Munson once a week. "Yet, despite his dim awareness of his surroundings and identity, Archie's fighting spirit remains strong as an ox. He is blessed with incredible will power, which continually pushes him to keep filling his pants more voluminously and frequently than before."

With a reputation like that, Munson has more than earned the respect of those around him. "Arch maintains a strict program of 10 to 20 trouser-filling repetitions each morning, mid day and evening, as well as at least one or two bedsheet changes during the night as he sleeps," said nursing assistant Gwen Travis, Munson's county-appointed caregiver. "He's a real trooper, the way he just keeps filling and filling his pants without ever tiring, day after day."

And it's not just his trousers he fills, either. According to nursing-home staffers, Munson's Texas-sized loads have also been found in some of the darnedest spots: the laundry-room dryer, pillowcases, a big box of rubber gloves nurses use when cleaning up urine, even in other residents' shoes!

Even when he's finished unloading, Munson remains plenty active, fighting and struggling with nursing-home personnel as they attempt to remove his clothes and clean him up. In one instance, he even bit through an orderly's skin.

"He's really proud of his achievements," Travis said. She then smiled, adding, "Sometimes, he physically clings to the accumulated fecal matter, like he doesn't want us to take it away!"

Through sheer perseverance, Munson has increased fecal volume per evacuation by more than 60 perecnt since 1995. What's more, he now defecates up to six cubic inches at a time, a figure that has stunned medical authorities and community members alike.

Never content to rest on his laurels, Munson continually strives to reach ever-greater defecatory heights. Pacing himself against other retirees during walks at the local shopping mall, Munson can fill his trousers up to eight times during a single two-hour walk, beating out other mall-walking seniors by a wide margin.

With all his achievements, it's not surprising Munson has become a true celebrity in Middlebury. All across town, there's not a single resident who doesn't recognize his trademark lumpy trousers or his well-known training slogan of "Where the hell's my goddamned wife, you bastards!," a fond tribute to his wife Edna, who died in 1958.

Not that trouser-soiling is Munson's only interest. Far from it! His favorite TV show is Rat Patrol, and staffers can always tell how much he enjoys it by the way he hurls large wads of his feces at the rec-room television set whenever the show is on.

As if all that weren't enough, he also loves working with kids. He once impressed an entire fourth-grade class of Christmas carolers by expelling an entire pound of excrement in excitement. Now that's Christmas spirit! Archibald Munson: We salute you!