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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Area Stingray Dreaming Of Making It To Tropicana Field Touch Tank

TAMPA BAY, FL—Calling the 10,000-gallon habitat hallowed ground, a local stingray told reporters Monday that he dreams of one day making it to the Tropicana Field touch tank. “Ever since I was a pup, I’ve always imagined what it would be like to earn a spot in that 35-foot tank just beyond right-center field,” said the adolescent cownose ray, adding that he would like nothing more than to one day hear the roar of the crowd from behind the glass as he flips his tail and burrows into the sand. “It’d be such a thrill to finally rub my flaps along the tank wall as I circle around waiting for my meal. There’s not a day that goes by when I’m not working toward finally swimming through that tank while fans run their hands along my back.” The stingray then added that making it to the Tropicana Tank would finally fulfill the dreams of his late father, who never made it beyond the Tampa Bay Airport RumFish Grill aquarium.

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