adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Area Twentysomething Disillusioned With Disillusionment

SEATTLE—After spending the past 10 years in a deep state of disillusionment, area 27-year-old Kevin Soto announced Monday he is disillusioned with disillusionment. "For years I believed that my disillusionment with a world overrun by WalMart, Madison Avenue marketing whores, and corporate rock would keep me from drowning in all the bullshit they spoon-feed you," Soto said. "But now I just don't know."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close