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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Area Woman Already Planning Party For 'Mad Men' Series Finale

SAN DIEGO—Despite the fact that the hit AMC television series Mad Men has no confirmed end date, local woman Andrea Ross, 34, announced Tuesday that she has already begun planning a Mad Men–themed party to coincide with the show's final episode. "I'm so excited, I already found a place online that has these great highball glasses," said Ross, adding that she has yet to find the "perfect" cheese ball recipe for the party, which could take place next year or five years from now. "And I just laid out the retro ashtrays and the Lucky Strike cigarettes, so we should be all set with that." Ross later told reporters that she plans to style her hair in the fashion of Betty Draper, but if the character is killed off, keeps acting like a total bitch, or is eventually replaced by another actress because of a contract dispute, she will be perfectly happy "doing Peggy hair."

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