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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Woman Always Has Backup Problem Just In Case

DAYTON, OH—Local woman Jessica Hartley, 26, confirmed Tuesday that she always has a backup problem handy just in case her initial predicament is resolved or no longer relevant. "Whether it's fretting about my career or the mess in my kitchen, I hate being caught off guard without anything to worry about," Hartley said. "It's good to have a spare problem in your back pocket. I'll probably never use it, but it's comforting to know it's there." Hartley, who is currently apprehensive about paying off a credit card bill, said a misshapen mole on her arm that might be skin cancer should be a good secondary source of stress.

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