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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Area Woman Always Has Something Quirky To Do

PHILADELPHIA—When not reviving Victorian hair jewelry or double-dutch jump-roping with friends in a local park, Gemma Waite, 29, is up to something similarly quirky, sources report. "I haven't seen Gemma since Christmas, when she did the living advent calendar thing in that old building downtown, but I'm sure she's planning something just as unexpected right now," said friend Simon Chan, who helped Waite fish a Michelin Man statue out of a canal several summers ago. Waite declined to be interviewed, saying she was busy organizing a spelling bee.

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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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