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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Area Woman Always Has Something Quirky To Do

PHILADELPHIA—When not reviving Victorian hair jewelry or double-dutch jump-roping with friends in a local park, Gemma Waite, 29, is up to something similarly quirky, sources report. "I haven't seen Gemma since Christmas, when she did the living advent calendar thing in that old building downtown, but I'm sure she's planning something just as unexpected right now," said friend Simon Chan, who helped Waite fish a Michelin Man statue out of a canal several summers ago. Waite declined to be interviewed, saying she was busy organizing a spelling bee.

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