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Romance

Romantic Gesture Too Expensive To Waste On Current Girlfriend

HARRISBURG, PA—Claiming that the price of the incredible idea far exceeded his emotional investment in his relationship, local man Alex Ramsey said Wednesday that an extravagant romantic gesture he has in mind is too expensive to waste on his current girlfriend.

Man Tinkering With Anecdote Set List Before Next Date

PORTLAND, OR—Saying that he wants to provide a unique, enjoyable listening experience that draws from all periods of his life, area man Ian Watts told reporters Wednesday that he has been tinkering with his set list of anecdotes ahead of an upcoming...
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Romance

Area Woman Dumped On 15-Week Anniversary

TACOMA, WA—Insult compounded romantic injury Saturday when local boyfriend Charles Pond not only broke up with Karen Brunhoff, the woman he has dated since last spring, but reportedly “had the nerve” to dump her on the couple’s 15-week anniversary. "I just can't believe he would do this to me on our 15th," said Brunhoff, confirming she was stunned by Pond’s utter lack of sensitivity. "Today of all days? We’ve been together week after week, we make it to the 15 mark, and now he does it? I should have known something was up when our 14th came and went without so much as a card or flowers." Reached for comment, Pond told reporters he had already been patient enough in delaying the breakup until after the couple’s 100-day anniversary.

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