Area Woman Has More Than 200 Products To Help Calm Her

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Vol 46 Issue 40

Clinton, Biden Trading Places?

Reporter Bob Woodward said that an exchange of positions between Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Vice President Joe Biden is being considered by the White House.
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Area Woman Has More Than 200 Products To Help Calm Her

DOWNERS GROVE, IL—Local man Karl Weist told reporters Wednesday his girlfriend Celia Page owns more than 200 products designed to serve the sole function of calming her. "Twice a week she comes home from the mall with these body creams, aromatic candles, yoga DVDs, you name it," said Weist, watching Page apply an oatmeal facial mask while simultaneously reading a memoir of one woman's life-changing journey across India. "She's got, like, 10 different kinds of soothing teas, and I've only ever seen her drink tea when she's sick." Weist added that he hasn't broached the subject with Page because she remains a seething cauldron of anger and fury.

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