Area Woman Just Itching To Complain If Anyone Objects To Nativity Scene In Park

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Area Woman Just Itching To Complain If Anyone Objects To Nativity Scene In Park

HUNTINGTON, WV—Local resident Ann Jacobsen announced Tuesday that she is “champing at the bit” to complain to township officials should anyone object to a display of the nativity scene recently erected in the community park. “Someone’s bound to say something, and when they do, I’ll be ready to unleash a big tirade about the attack on Christian traditions and our right to publicly celebrate religious holidays,” said Jacobsen, adding that she is “raring to go” with a long-winded speech defending the presence of the diorama, which depicts an infant Jesus Christ lying in a small manger alongside life-size figurines of the Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph. “Then I’ll launch into a whole thing about how if this was a display for a Muslim or Jewish holiday, no one would be saying a thing. Oh, and I’ll top it all off by arguing that if you don’t like it, no one’s making you look at it. I can’t wait.” Jacobsen also confirmed her desire to harshly criticize anyone who takes offense to the “Merry Christmas” sign above the exhibit. At press time, a disappointed Jacobsen looked on as a Middle Eastern woman walked by the exhibit and commented that it was “very nice.”