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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Woman Prefers To Get Same Advice From As Many People As Possible

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—When faced with any kind of vexing decision or problem, 29-year-old Christine Lim prefers to weigh all her options by getting the exact same advice from as many people who already agree with her as possible, the area woman told reporters Monday. "If I meet a great guy who's really sweet but still getting over a bitter divorce, I just feel better knowing that 20 to 30 of my friends are in lockstep with my predetermined opinion that I should look past it and date him anyway," said Lim, who has also sought out a wide range of identical opinions on recipes, birthday gifts for her mom, and whether or not one of her shoulders is slightly higher than the other. "Calling on those close to me to endlessly reconfirm my worldview makes coming to conclusions that much easier." Lim added that on the occasions when she does encounter someone with a conflicting take, she is quickly reassured by her real friends that Laura is a total bitch.

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