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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Woman Said ‘Sorry’ 118 Times Yesterday

ROCHESTER, MN—Having repeatedly apologized for incidents such as accidentally brushing up against other people on the train, stepping aside in an elevator, and reaching for the same coffee mug as a colleague at work, local 24-year-old Katie Simpson was overheard saying “sorry” nearly 120 different times yesterday, sources reported. “Sorry,” Simpson said softly under her breath Wednesday morning while walking past a coworker in the hallway, an occurrence that would be repeated 17 more times throughout the course of the day. “Sorry, sorry.” Sources also confirmed Simpson said “sorry” yesterday on at least two occasions while bumping into an inanimate object.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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