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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Area Woman To Celebrate Quiet Women's History Month At Home This Year

SAN FRANCISCO—Juliette Solomon said that despite the pressure to "make a big production" out of Women's History Month, she will likely spend March alone this year. "Every year, it's the same thing: the Julia Howe and Lucretia Mott biographies, the art exhibits and photographs of Mother Jones," Solomon said. "This March, I'm just going to stay in, brew some tea, and catch up on my aromatherapy." Solomon added that she could "barely remember" Women's Day Eve 2005, save for a few fuzzy recollections of "some Susan B. Anthony documentary."

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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