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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Area Woman Wants To Be Singer Or Actor Or Whatever

AKRON, OH—Ever since she was a little girl, Candice Huza, 22, has dreamed of someday becoming a popular singer, or actress, or some kind of famous celebrity or whatever. "Getting to sing, or maybe model, or receive some kind of huge acting award for whatever has always been a passion of mine," said Huza, leafing through an issue of Us Weekly. "I guess I was just born be one of those people you see on television, or in the theaters, or on some huge billboard somewhere. Or a magazine. It's my calling." According to sources close to her, Huza is in fact destined to become a Wal-Mart cashier, or maybe an office receptionist, or a bitter and unhappy housewife of some kind.

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