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Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Area Woman Worried She's Forgetting What Heath Ledger Looked Like

LAFAYETTE, LA—A little more than a year after Heath Ledger's tragic death, 36-year-old Petra Rowe struggled Thursday to clearly remember the late actor she once held dear. "I'm starting to forget the little things," Rowe said. "The corners of his smile, his eye color, the way he combed his hair. And just the other day, I tried to remember him in Lords Of Dogtown, but all I could think of was him in A Knight's Tale. Oh, God, if only I had bought more magazines while he was still with us." In order to make the most of what precious memories remained, Rowe sat down to write out everything she remembered about the actor to pass on to her children.

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