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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Area Woman Wouldn't Mind Feeding Your Cats

HARTFORD, CT—Local neighbor Sarah Dobbs issued a public statement Tuesday notifying you that she is always available and willing to take care of your cats should the need arise.

Dobbs, above, could just drop by on her way home from work.

"It's really no hassle," Dobbs, 44, said. "If you're going out of town and need someone to drop in on them, I'd be happy to do it. I'm just happy to help out."

"I'm always around," she added.

Dobbs went on to state that the length of time you would be gone for would not in any way affect her offer. Whether you are planning a long trip, you just want to make sure they are fed before you return home, or your regular cat-sitter canceled on you at the last minute, Dobbs said, she would gladly travel to your house and perform all necessary cat-related duties.

"I know cats can be really mischievous sometimes," said Dobbs, who reminded you that she has three cats of her own. "You never know what kind of trouble they'll get themselves into if they're left alone. They don't mean to be bad. So yeah, let me know if you ever need me. To watch your cats."

Dobbs can be reached at (860)-760-1846. If she does not answer, she has advised you to try her cell, or to contact her by e-mail at sarahcat371@gmail.com.

Your cats

In the event of a last-minute need for a cat-sitter, Dobbs said, you can simply drop by her house. She is usually home every day after 3 p.m., except this Friday, when she has an appointment to take her cat Lulu to the veterinarian's office to pick up the cat's hyperthyroid medication and have the vet check out a small cyst that seems to be developing on Lulu's back.

In addition to feeding your cats, Dobbs has issued an offer to clean their litter boxes, pet them, and play with them.

"I love cats," Dobbs said.

She also noted that she would not blame you if you had your doubts, since "these are your babies we're talking about." If you would prefer, Dobbs can put you in touch with people whose cats she has fed in the past, and they can vouch for her.

Wendy Lipson, a former coworker of Dobbs who asked her to watch her cats during a weekend in May 2007, was largely positive about Dobbs' cat-feeding skills.

"[My cats] seemed fine," Lipson said. "They weren't crawling all over me for food when I got home, and there was still food in their bowls. It's like she had left the house minutes before I got home. They also had some toys I didn't recognize, which I'm pretty sure she brought over."

Upon entering into any cat-feeding agreement, Dobbs' only stipulation is that you leave her a note with any special instructions and the number of your vet in case there is an emergency.

Dobbs' services reportedly come at no charge.

"Oh, I could never accept any money," Dobbs said. "I just love helping out. And maybe the next time I go away, you can look in on my little angels."

The last time Dobbs left town for an extended period of time was July 1996.

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