Area Woman's Hair Always Wet

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Vol 48 Issue 33

Breaking Bad

AMC 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Walt ups the ante when he discovers he can make much more money through careful observation of financial trends and prudent investment in the stock market.

Torrent Time

G4 4:00 a.m. EDT/3:00 a.m. CDT This virtual showcase presents a selection of the web's most popular illegal downloads. This week: a Croatian dub of the The Dark Knight Rises and some pornography.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Personal Finance

Area Woman's Hair Always Wet

DENVER—Whether she's off running errands, meeting friends for drinks, or just relaxing in her apartment after work, local woman Amanda Chapman’s hair is always wet, sources reported Wednesday. "It's usually wettest in the morning, but even in the middle of the day it looks as if she just got out of the shower," said cubicle mate James Oakley, adding that he’s never once seen Chapman with dry hair since they started working together two years ago. "At first I thought maybe she was going to the gym at lunch and washing her hair afterward, but nope, I've gone to grab a sandwich with her a couple times and somehow it just stays wet. You'd think it would dry off by the end of the day, especially when it’s sunny out, but it never does." At press time, Chapman's hair was wet.

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