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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Area Woman's Safety Net Braces For Another Impact

ALBANY, NY—Despite already being stretched to its breaking point, the strained threads of Patricia Hapsburg's social safety net have once again begun readying themselves to absorb the emotional impact of the 29-year-old finding out her ex-boyfriend is now engaged. "We have white zin chilling in the fridge, her comfiest sweats laid out, and Under The Tuscan Sun cued up in the DVD player," said one friend, Leanne Shuyin, whose strength has been repeatedly tested by Hapsburg's numerous professional stumbles and tendency to fall for men who move into her building. "I can't say how long we'll be able to support her, though. Janet has been looking pretty frayed since she agreed to accompany Patricia on that spiritual retreat." For her own mental stability, Hapsburg will spend the next four weeks joined at the hip to Mike Gantz, her unusually resilient and supportive gay lifeline.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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