adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Argument Between Employees Shatters Illusion Of Professionalism Traditionally Associated With Walgreens

JOLIET, IL— According to eyewitness reports, two employees at a local Walgreens engaged in a heated argument Sunday in full view of customers, shattering the air of decorum traditionally associated with the drugstore chain. "Like most people, I've come to expect a certain level of courtesy and professionalism when I enter a Walgreens—the kind of effortless competence all retailers aspire to but few ever achieve," said shaken patron Gabe Lawrie, 28, who described two checkout clerks engaging in a loud dispute and not even acknowledging his presence until their exchange was interrupted when one took a personal phone call. "When you hear the name Walgreens, you think: an expert staff with a thorough knowledge of the store's products and—above all else—an unfailing respect for the dignity of the customer. I was looking around thinking, 'Is this a Walgreens? Am I in the wrong store?'" Lawrie then shook his head and crossed the street to CVS, where a white-gloved assistant manager greeted him with direct eye contact and a deep bow.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close