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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Arizona Toughens Immigration Laws In Attempt To Rid State Of Phoenix Coyotes

PHOENIX—Arizona governor Jan Brewer signed legislation Thursday designed to finally expel the Phoenix Coyotes and other immigrants blamed for playing hockey in the state. "For too long, Arizona has been plagued by savage Canadian and European men seeping through our borders to engage in these lewd and violent activities," said Brewer, adding that police have found evidence of a facility in the Phoenix suburbs where such immigrants maintain a large sheet of ice. "It's time we send a message to these people that hockey is not welcome here. This crucial legislation empowers law enforcement to arrest the Coyotes and any other groups of Czechs found congregating on frozen water so they can be removed from our state as soon as possible." Arizona police have already made their first arrest under the law, apprehending Coyotes captain Shane Doan Thursday night for driving while under the influence of the metric system.

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