adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Armageddon Preparedness Tips

  • Take some time off work and spend your last days free from the bonds of the oppressive and culturally devoid institution that was just about the only thing giving you a purpose to your otherwise insignificant days.
  • Spend your final waking minutes before the end of the world with your family, knowing fully well you’d rather be doing a number of other gratifying yet completely depraved things, right sicko?
  • Make sure your linens are clean prior to the upcoming catastrophe, while always reminding yourself that these are likely the very same sheets on which you will likely soon be slowly asphyxiating.
  • Spend your final waking minutes before the end of the world with your family, knowing full well that any of the innumerable fulfilling things you could be doing will just never match up to this.
  • All the animals are going to be killed too, so you might as well go to the zoo and find out what Panda steak tastes like.
  • Tell that special person how much you've always hated them
  • You never know if hostile alien generals like high-fives unless you go for it.
  • Put Road Warrior in your Netflix queue for cool, post-apocalyptic hairstyle ideas.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close