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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Army Commander Depressed After Reading Facebook Comments On Latest Raid

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Checking the Defense Department’s official Facebook page Monday to browse updates and comments from users, U.S. Army Col. Peter R. Maloney Jr. reportedly grew depressed as he read the feedback on his infantry brigade’s latest raid. “They’re calling my whole anti-insurgency mission in Helmand province ‘amateurish’ and ‘unoriginal’?” said the despondent officer, who admitted he was disappointed the Pentagon’s post on the raid had received only 84 likes. “Wow, they did not like this one. Clearly the bigger picture in this whole thing went way over their heads. Just goes to show that we’re waging war for the lowest common denominator over here.” At press time, sources confirmed Maloney had begun insisting the raid was “total click bait” and asked his brigade’s social media manager to re-promote it on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest later in the day.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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