adBlockCheck

International

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Aryan Notions' Opens Sixth Berlin Location

BERLIN–Promising shoppers "a glorious thousand-year reign of quality sewing supplies and accessories at low, low prices," Aryan Notions opened its sixth Berlin location Monday. "From buttons to bows to knitting needles, Aryan Notions is your one-stop source for racially pure sundries," store manager Gunther Von Hoessler said. "Superior white seamstresses and tailors from all over Europe can't stop raving about our pure Nordic yarn and rick-rack. Krups is working non-stop to supply us with mighty cast-steel bobbins and thimbles." His voice quavering with excitement, Von Hoessler boasted of cleansing the globe of inferior notions retailers and standing astride a conquered industry ruled by Aryan Notions. "God himself has anointed our chain of sewing supplies for magnificent triumph," he said.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close