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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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As Election Draws Near, Area Man Moves To All-Obama T-Shirt Rotation

BURBANK, CA—After hearing the Democratic nominee call on his supporters not to let up in light of recent polls, Burbank resident Noah Sheets, 25, committed himself to wearing a pro-Obama T-shirt everyday until the election. "With the way these things have gone in the past, you can never be too sure until it's all over," said Sheets, wearing a "Baracktourage" T-shirt that portrayed the presidential candidate and members of his staff as characters from the HBO series Entourage. "It's up to me to be an agent of change, and besides, I've been looking for an excuse to get that one Obama shirt with 'Yes, We Can' in seven different languages." To ensure an Obama victory, Sheets is also considering changing his Facebook status to "Go Barack," pinning an extra Obama button on his backpack, and high-fiving that guy he sometimes sees wearing an Obama cap while jogging.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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