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As Election Draws Near, Area Man Moves To All-Obama T-Shirt Rotation

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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As Election Draws Near, Area Man Moves To All-Obama T-Shirt Rotation

BURBANK, CA—After hearing the Democratic nominee call on his supporters not to let up in light of recent polls, Burbank resident Noah Sheets, 25, committed himself to wearing a pro-Obama T-shirt everyday until the election. "With the way these things have gone in the past, you can never be too sure until it's all over," said Sheets, wearing a "Baracktourage" T-shirt that portrayed the presidential candidate and members of his staff as characters from the HBO series Entourage. "It's up to me to be an agent of change, and besides, I've been looking for an excuse to get that one Obama shirt with 'Yes, We Can' in seven different languages." To ensure an Obama victory, Sheets is also considering changing his Facebook status to "Go Barack," pinning an extra Obama button on his backpack, and high-fiving that guy he sometimes sees wearing an Obama cap while jogging.

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