adBlockCheck

Sports

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
End Of Section
  • More News

As Per Midnight Madness Tradition, Duke Freshman Sacrificed Center Court

DURHAM, NC—Freshman Nate Washburn, 17, was mutilated in front of 12,000 students, players, and coaches at Duke University's Cameron Indoor Stadium Friday during the school's traditional "Midnight Madness Sacrifice A Freshman Ceremony." Prior to their first official practice, six hooded members of the Duke basketball team, lightly chanting the school's fight song, led a blindfolded Washburn to center court, where he was greeted by head coach Mike Krzyzewski. "We offer up Nathan L. Washburn to the One Most High so that we may show our deepest commitment to besting our rivals in this, the 2009-2010 college basketball season," Krzyzewski, adorned in a blue satin cloak and wearing a carved wooden goat mask representing Baal, said before raising a dagger above his head and plunging it into Washburn's chest. "We remove his left arm to signify the ACC title. The right arm for the No. 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament. The head, the national championship. And we pass the still-beating heart amongst the starting five so they can devour it as one. Eruditio et Religio!" Following the ritualistic killing, Duke players ran layup drills.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close