Asian Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, Kashmir Earthquake Battle For Natural Disasty Award

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Vol 41 Issue 52

Saturn Probe To Be Biggest Story Of The Year

PASADENA, CA—A mere two weeks into the New Year, already what will undoubtedly be the biggest story of the year will have taken place: the upcoming Jan. 14 landing of the Huygens space probe on Titan, Saturn's immense moon.

Well-Rested Bush At The Top Of His Game

CRAWFORD, TX—Fit, trim, confident in his power base, and above all well-rested following a four-week, three-day vacation at his Crawford ranch, President Bush is currently in the prime of his presidential form, pundits say.

April Comes To A Close

WASHINGTON, DC—Experts at the Naval Observatory report that April, as it has every year at this time since records were kept, is progressing to an end.

Deep Fruit Revealed To Be Charles Nelson Reilly

NEW YORK—The identity of Deep Fruit, the source that brought down a studio audience in the Waterblank scandal in 1973, was revealed to be actor and Match Game panelist Charles Nelson Reilly, in an article published in Vanity Fair today.

Tracking Bush's Approval Rating

In 2005, the nation's confidence in President Bush reached an all-time low. What are the events that triggered the most significant changes in his approval rating?
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Asian Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, Kashmir Earthquake Battle For Natural Disasty Award

The Disaster Academy honors the South Asian tsunami with a musical montage of its most fatal highlights.

LOS ANGELES—In a night destined to provide "major upsets in the natural order," three of the biggest stars of the weather, pestilence or general phenomenon community will battle it out Friday for the title of Best Disaster of 2005. "Even though Katrina's casualty count wasn't as high as the South Asian tsunami, it possibly spelled the demise of an entire American city," said Rolling Stone writer and cultural commentator Touré. "And since it appears that the Kashmir earthquake's strategy of playing to critics late in the season backfired, it looks like the hurricane definitely has the edge to win the Disasty." Touré added that Kashmir's earthquake had a virtual lock on the Lifetaking Achievement Award.

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