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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Asthmatic Child Tired Of Hearing List Of Famous Asthmatics

LEXINGTON, PA—Thirteen-year-old asthmatic Nate Bothman told reporters Monday that his mother's penchant for telling him about famous asthmatics is totally unnecessary, as he has already figured out that he can live a normal and fulfilling life with the respiratory ailment.

"My mom says if I use my inhaler like I'm supposed to, I can be just like Woodrow Wilson, Theodore Roosevelt, or [Roman statesman and philosopher] Seneca, but I really couldn't care less," said Bothman, who expressed similar indifference to the fact that director Martin Scorsese, Olympic diver Greg Louganis, and actress Morgan Fairchild also have the disease. "Actually, being told Billy Joel has asthma made me feel even worse about it."

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