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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Asthmatic Child Tired Of Hearing List Of Famous Asthmatics

LEXINGTON, PA—Thirteen-year-old asthmatic Nate Bothman told reporters Monday that his mother's penchant for telling him about famous asthmatics is totally unnecessary, as he has already figured out that he can live a normal and fulfilling life with the respiratory ailment.

"My mom says if I use my inhaler like I'm supposed to, I can be just like Woodrow Wilson, Theodore Roosevelt, or [Roman statesman and philosopher] Seneca, but I really couldn't care less," said Bothman, who expressed similar indifference to the fact that director Martin Scorsese, Olympic diver Greg Louganis, and actress Morgan Fairchild also have the disease. "Actually, being told Billy Joel has asthma made me feel even worse about it."

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