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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Astros TV Crew Already Out Of Things To Say About Team

BOSTON—One inning into Sunday’s game between the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox, sources confirmed that the Astros’ television broadcasting crew has already run out of things to say about their baseball team. “Top of the second, and, uh, that means we’ve got eight innings to go,” said Houston play-by-play commentator Bill Brown, who along with fellow booth analyst Alan Ashby has reportedly exhausted such Astros-related topics as the team’s recent move to the American League, pitcher Bud Norris’ disappointing start, and the unique turf composition at Houston’s Minute Maid Park. “You know, this year the Astros have had to adjust to life in the AL, and—oh, wait, we just did that. Uh, what do you think, Alan?” At press time, the audio portion of the Houston broadcast had consisted solely of the sound of the two announcers breathing for six full innings.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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