NEW YORK—At a loss as to how they could emerge from a weekend of regular-season football without any fresh insight whatsoever, ashamed and humbled members of the sports media admitted to the public Tuesday that they learned absolutely nothing from week 11 of the NFL season.
HOUSTON—Astros right fielder Hunter Pence expressed consternation following teammate Miguel Tejada's seventh inning grand slam, saying the proceedings took a decided turn for the awkward from that moment on. "Now where does that leave me exactly?" Pence said after the game, referring to the at-bat in question, in which the sixth-place hitter took two called strikes before hitting a check swing grounder to second base. "Not to mention the fact that when I got up there it was 7-0 all of a sudden. Best case, and I'm talking about if everything goes perfectly, I would've driven in one run, maximum. I felt like an idiot." Cardinals pitcher Ryan Franklin, the man who gave up the grand slam in question, calmly retired the next three batters, walked down to the visiting clubhouse, and took his own life.