adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

At Moment Like This, Tebow Doesn’t Know Who To Turn To

NEW YORK—Following his release from the New York Jets, NFL quarterback Tim Tebow told reporters Monday that at a moment of distress and confusion such as this, he is unsure who to turn to. “At times of uncertainty, it is sometimes not immediately obvious what the league has in store for you next,” said Tebow, adding that though he is frustrated with the lot he has been given, it is not his place to question the will of the Jets’ front office. “Even in this, my darkest hour, I can take comfort in the existence of a higher power who will protect me and take me in, such as [Chicago Bears general manager] Phil Emery. Or perhaps the big man upstairs, [Dallas Cowboys owner] Jerry Jones, holds the key.” Though Tebow emphasized that he remains unsure of what purpose the league has for him, many football analysts said they expect the quarterback will ultimately end up walking in the healing light of the Canadian Football League.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close