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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Athletes Arrive In Sochi For 2-Week Living Nightmare

SOCHI, RUSSIA—Traveling from 88 nations around the world, hundreds of athletes reportedly arrived in Sochi this week in order to participate in a two-week-long waking nightmare. “Just got to the Olympic Village!” said U.S. skier Lauren Price, who like her fellow Olympians will spend the next half month in mortal terror while under constant, intrusive surveillance by police forces desperately trying to preserve safety and calm. “So excited for [a harrowing, hellish experience that may well include full-scale security lockdowns, dismal living conditions, contaminated water, direct threats to my life, insufficient city infrastructure, and human rights abuses occurring in plain sight].” Sources confirmed the very best outcome any athlete could hope for was that the pet project of a corrupt, bigoted regime would be carried out exactly according to plan.

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