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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Atlanta Fans Smile Politely Through Entire NHL All-Star Game

ATLANTA—Describing the experience as "nice" and "interesting," nearly 19,000 Atlanta residents filled Atlanta's Philips Arena for the National Hockey League's annual All-Star Game, being careful to smile politely throughout the entire hour-long contest. "I certainly had a pleasant time," 54-year-old Darren Holbrook said on his way to the parking lot, though he added that he most likely would not attend another hockey game in the near future. "Those young men on the ice seemed to really be enjoying themselves, so it would have been rude for us not to give them our undivided attention." Most fans in attendance echoed Holbrook's sentiments, but added that had the game gone on much longer, they would have politely excused themselves and gone home.

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