CLEVELAND—Calling it a complete and utter failure not worthy of Major League Baseball, sources at Progressive Field confirmed Monday that the stadium’s pathetic home run animation doesn’t even show a baseball screaming as it leaves Earth and flies into outer space.
ATLANTA—Describing the experience as "nice" and "interesting," nearly 19,000 Atlanta residents filled Atlanta's Philips Arena for the National Hockey League's annual All-Star Game, being careful to smile politely throughout the entire hour-long contest. "I certainly had a pleasant time," 54-year-old Darren Holbrook said on his way to the parking lot, though he added that he most likely would not attend another hockey game in the near future. "Those young men on the ice seemed to really be enjoying themselves, so it would have been rude for us not to give them our undivided attention." Most fans in attendance echoed Holbrook's sentiments, but added that had the game gone on much longer, they would have politely excused themselves and gone home.