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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Attractive Woman Surprised To Learn Coworker A Dick

LAWRENCEVILLE, PA—Noting with some degree of confusion that “he’s always really sweet to [her],” attractive Kolfax Group sales associate Leslie Shiller admitted Thursday she was surprised to learn account manager Eric Cryan is widely considered to be a total fucking prick. “Wow, that’s so weird—Eric’s so nice and friendly,” the beautiful 27-year-old said of Cryan, who according to coworkers is routinely short with the company’s receptionists, micromanages all his employees, and generally makes the office an unpleasant place to work. “We’re really talking about Eric here? He seems like such a sweetheart. Anytime I need something, he’s happy to stop whatever he’s doing and help. He even pops by sometimes just to chat and ask how things are going with me. Huh.” The slim, well-toned Shiller was also reportedly surprised to learn that several of her female coworkers think she’s “a stuck-up bitch.”

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