Audience Calls Candidates Back On Stage For Debate Encore

Top Headlines

Recent News

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Audience Calls Candidates Back On Stage For Debate Encore

MANCHESTER, NH—A sold-out crowd at St. Anselm College refused to leave after the Republican presidential debate came to a close Tuesday, loudly clamoring for the 10 candidates to return for an encore.

"I wanted to hear Ron Paul's position on immigration so bad—hell, that's why I came all the way from North Conway," said 37-year-old father of three Greg Schaefer, echoing the sentiments of many hardcore "debateheads" in the crowd who have followed the prospective nominees since their first debate at the Reagan Library in May. "Ron's stance on the issue was a definite showstopper. Probably the best 45 seconds of my life."

Though many were pleasantly surprised by the encore—the first of the campaign season—political junkie Leonard Buck, 38, said he "totally saw it coming as soon as the stagehand came out and replaced the mic on John McCain's podium."


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close