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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Audio Guide Clearly Hates Degas

LOS ANGELES—According to museumgoers at Los Angeles' Getty Center, an automated audio guide for the 19th-century Impressionism art gallery obviously despises French painter Edgar Degas. "The narrator wouldn't stop gushing about Monet's work with water or Pissarro's 'Landscape In The Vicinity Of Louveciennes,' but when we got to Degas, she called him a 'master of the female form, if you like staring at a bunch of ballerinas and women sitting in bathtubs,'" said Natalie LaTouche, 32. "And even though she did say that Degas was brilliant at depicting the subtlety of human bodies in motion, she said it really sarcastically." Others added that when they got to Degas' self-portrait, the audio guide made no mention of the visible brushstrokes or the use of dark and light, instead saying only, "Interesting fact, he really was that ugly."

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