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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Aunt Enters Ninth Year Of Raving About ‘Wicked’

OGDENSBURG, NY—Praising its vibrant visual effects and declaring multiple songs “absolute showstoppers,” local aunt Treena Warner, 53, informed extended family members for the ninth consecutive year that the Broadway musical Wicked is truly magical, sources confirmed Thursday. “The ticket prices are a little high, but I promise you it’s worth every single penny,” said Warner, voicing the assertion she’s made every year since viewing the play in 2005 that you don’t have to be into musicals to enjoy the show. “The costumes, the sets, the music—everything’s gorgeous. The standing ovation probably went on for 10 minutes. I’d see it again in a heartbeat.” At press time, Warner was telling relatives that if they saw Wicked in New York, they should have dinner at this nice steakhouse whose name was escaping her at the moment, noting that the food there was to die for and that it was really close to the theater, too.

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