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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Australian Open Canceled As Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom Of Earth Into The Sky

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Organizers of the Australian Open canceled the highly anticipated Grand Slam event Wednesday night after admitting they were unable to prevent tennis balls from falling off the underside of the planet and into the sky. "We regret to announce we had not adequately researched the problems of playing tennis upside down here on the bottom of the world," a statement by tournament organizers read in part. "Our deepest, most sincere apologies go out to spectators, to participants, and especially to the family and friends of Kim Clijsters, who was last spotted by Royal Australian Air Force radar falling down through the atmosphere following an ill-advised jump serve." Sporting cognoscenti said the problems facing the Open were not insurmountable, pointing to the innovations that allowed Australian soccer to develop into Australian rules football in the 19th century.

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