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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Author Accepts Award On Ghostwriters' Behalf

CONCORD, NH—Former Secretary of State Alexander Haig accepted the Worthington Literary Award on behalf of his four ghostwriters Tuesday for his book No Victory. "It is with humble gratitude that I accept this great honor," Haig said, graciously speaking for the team of writers who wrote the 435-page account of his unsuccessful bid for the 1988 Republican presidential nomination. "I appreciate that you have taken the time to consider what I had to say on the...subject matter of this book." Haig has not touched his Apple IIe since 1994 and spends most of his time hot-air ballooning in Naples.

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