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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Autopsy Determines Total Loser’s Corpse Contained No Traces Of Drugs, Alcohol

SEATTLE—Suggesting that the victim’s death was likely the most interesting thing that had ever happened to him, Seattle city coroner Philip Grossman told reporters Wednesday that the 38-year-old local loser he was autopsying had nothing remotely cool in his bloodstream at the time of his passing. “Upon initially examining the body, we at first suspected the deceased might have flamed out with a little glory, but according to the toxicology report his system contained no evidence of hard drugs, prescription pills, booze, or even caffeine, for crying out loud,” said Grossman, surmising that the grade-A lame-o never had a day of fun in his life given how untarnished and intact his liver and lungs were. “Yesterday, we had this awesome dude with lethal levels of tequila, painkillers, and coke in him all at the same time; that guy could party. Definitely wasn’t a giant puss like the present victim.” Grossman added that the closest the deceased got to being cool was his failure to wear his seatbelt.

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