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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Award-Winning News Team Keeps Southern Iowa Man In Touch With Southern Iowa

The Channel Six news team (from L to R): co-anchor Melanie Washbeyer, meteorologist Steve Schaffer, Bob Keenan on sports, and co-anchor Jeff Crim. Inset: Southern Iowa man Cal Fenert, whom News 6 helps keep informed.
The Channel Six news team (from L to R): co-anchor Melanie Washbeyer, meteorologist Steve Schaffer, Bob Keenan on sports, and co-anchor Jeff Crim. Inset: Southern Iowa man Cal Fenert, whom News 6 helps keep informed.

DES MOINES, IA—With its accurate, up-to-the-minute coverage of local news, weather and sports, the award-winning News-6 team keeps Southern Iowa TV viewer Cal Fenert in touch with Southern Iowa, it was learned yesterday.

According to Fenert, “I feel that I can depend on News-6.”

The Des Moines-based News-6, broadcast on local ABC affiliate KNZR, airs nightly at both 6 and 10.

“This means that if I miss the 6 o-clock news,” Fenert said, “I can stay in touch by tuning in to a wrap-up of the news that shapes my world at 10.”

Fenert, a retired auto worker, added: “I look forward to joining anchorpersons Melanie Washbeyer and Jeff Crim, as well as meteorologist Steve Schaffer, with Bob Keenan on sports.”

According to reports, Fenert had only occasionally watched local news in the past; he was not aware that News-6 was putting him in touch with Southern Iowa until he saw its promotional advertisement on TV. In the ad, the News-6 team is shown individually, sitting on stools in front of a soft-colored background accompanied by synthesized music.

“We’re keeping you in touch with Southern Iowa,” Washbeyer says in the promo, looking away from the camera as if talking to a reporter.

Said Fenert, “I am kept in touch because the News-6 van is always on the scene when late-breaking news happens. Their experienced team of reporters is always on the NightBeat.”

Thanks to the three-time local Emmy-nominated news team, Fenert has also been kept in touch with kids and the community.

“News-6 takes time out for kids, and cares about the community,” Fenert said. “That’s why they feature Kid Care Mondays. And that’s also why they feature the Good Neighbor Watch, which once a week profiles someone right here in my own community who’s making a difference.”

“We’re doing our job right if Cal Fenert feels as though he’s in touch with Southern Iowa,” News-6 general manager Neil Roukman said. “When Cal Fenert needs the latest coverage of local events, he can count on News-6.”

Roukman added that, like Fenert, he also cares about kids and the community.

According to reports, when Fenert needs all the local sports scores, Bob Keenan of News-6 Sports provides them.

“I give Cal Fenert the latest pro and college scores and highlights, as well as update him on what’s happening in the high school scene right here in Southern Iowa,” Keenan said. “If you want prep basketball results, there isn’t better coverage in the whole state.”

And Fenert is kept well abreast of local weather conditions by meteorologist Steve Schaffer.

“He employs the latest Doppler radar technology to give me the dependable AccuWeather forecast I need, when I need it,” Fenert said.

Fenert reportedly was kept in touch as recently as last night, when he joined anchorpersons Washbeyer and Crim for the 10 p.m. update.

“I am glad I joined them,” Fenert said. “They put me in touch with the news and events that shape my world, and then they put it all in perspective.”

This, say insiders, is how News-6 can put Fenert in touch with the people and the stories that the other networks can’t.

News-6 is owned by Trans-GlobalMedia Enterprises Worldwide, Inc., a multi-billion dollar company that owns 607 stations across the U.S. The company was also ruled responsible last month for the chemical spill-related deaths of 80,000 workers at its plastics factory in Dharjahal, India.

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