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Award-Winning News Team Keeps Southern Iowa Man In Touch With Southern Iowa

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Award-Winning News Team Keeps Southern Iowa Man In Touch With Southern Iowa

The Channel Six news team (from L to R): co-anchor Melanie Washbeyer, meteorologist Steve Schaffer, Bob Keenan on sports, and co-anchor Jeff Crim. Inset: Southern Iowa man Cal Fenert, whom News 6 helps keep informed.
The Channel Six news team (from L to R): co-anchor Melanie Washbeyer, meteorologist Steve Schaffer, Bob Keenan on sports, and co-anchor Jeff Crim. Inset: Southern Iowa man Cal Fenert, whom News 6 helps keep informed.

DES MOINES, IA—With its accurate, up-to-the-minute coverage of local news, weather and sports, the award-winning News-6 team keeps Southern Iowa TV viewer Cal Fenert in touch with Southern Iowa, it was learned yesterday.

According to Fenert, “I feel that I can depend on News-6.”

The Des Moines-based News-6, broadcast on local ABC affiliate KNZR, airs nightly at both 6 and 10.

“This means that if I miss the 6 o-clock news,” Fenert said, “I can stay in touch by tuning in to a wrap-up of the news that shapes my world at 10.”

Fenert, a retired auto worker, added: “I look forward to joining anchorpersons Melanie Washbeyer and Jeff Crim, as well as meteorologist Steve Schaffer, with Bob Keenan on sports.”

According to reports, Fenert had only occasionally watched local news in the past; he was not aware that News-6 was putting him in touch with Southern Iowa until he saw its promotional advertisement on TV. In the ad, the News-6 team is shown individually, sitting on stools in front of a soft-colored background accompanied by synthesized music.

“We’re keeping you in touch with Southern Iowa,” Washbeyer says in the promo, looking away from the camera as if talking to a reporter.

Said Fenert, “I am kept in touch because the News-6 van is always on the scene when late-breaking news happens. Their experienced team of reporters is always on the NightBeat.”

Thanks to the three-time local Emmy-nominated news team, Fenert has also been kept in touch with kids and the community.

“News-6 takes time out for kids, and cares about the community,” Fenert said. “That’s why they feature Kid Care Mondays. And that’s also why they feature the Good Neighbor Watch, which once a week profiles someone right here in my own community who’s making a difference.”

“We’re doing our job right if Cal Fenert feels as though he’s in touch with Southern Iowa,” News-6 general manager Neil Roukman said. “When Cal Fenert needs the latest coverage of local events, he can count on News-6.”

Roukman added that, like Fenert, he also cares about kids and the community.

According to reports, when Fenert needs all the local sports scores, Bob Keenan of News-6 Sports provides them.

“I give Cal Fenert the latest pro and college scores and highlights, as well as update him on what’s happening in the high school scene right here in Southern Iowa,” Keenan said. “If you want prep basketball results, there isn’t better coverage in the whole state.”

And Fenert is kept well abreast of local weather conditions by meteorologist Steve Schaffer.

“He employs the latest Doppler radar technology to give me the dependable AccuWeather forecast I need, when I need it,” Fenert said.

Fenert reportedly was kept in touch as recently as last night, when he joined anchorpersons Washbeyer and Crim for the 10 p.m. update.

“I am glad I joined them,” Fenert said. “They put me in touch with the news and events that shape my world, and then they put it all in perspective.”

This, say insiders, is how News-6 can put Fenert in touch with the people and the stories that the other networks can’t.

News-6 is owned by Trans-GlobalMedia Enterprises Worldwide, Inc., a multi-billion dollar company that owns 607 stations across the U.S. The company was also ruled responsible last month for the chemical spill-related deaths of 80,000 workers at its plastics factory in Dharjahal, India.

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