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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Awesome T-Shirt Cannon Party Interrupted By Nashville Predators Game

NASHVILLE, TN—A rousing T-shirt cannon party at Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena was repeatedly marred by men coming out to play hockey Thursday, despite jeers and pleading from the crowd. "Everyone was excited to see free shirts fired into the stands by a 6-foot blue cat-man wielding a cannon, but they didn’t do that for more than a couple minutes at a time," said T-shirt fan Darren Chapman, adding that crowd members were turned away by security when they tried to follow the T-shirt squad into a tunnel. "If you have T-shirt cannons at a three-hour event, there should be three hours of T-shirt cannons. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they had been planning on playing that hockey in here all along." The arena’s public address announcer later declared there would be exciting "playoff" T-shirt cannon parties in the next few weeks, but sources said hockey-playing men are expected to ruin those too.

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