adBlockCheck

Awkward Encounter Not Awkward At All When Masturbated About

Top Headlines

Recent News

Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Awkward Encounter Not Awkward At All When Masturbated About

OLYMPIA, WA—An uncomfortable exchange between Brad Leydner, 25, and Ginny, the cute redheaded waitress at Hugo's Bistro, lost all awkwardness when envisioned in Leydner's masturbation fantasy later that afternoon. "So, would you like to grab a coffee after your shift?" a nervous Leydner asked Ginny in both the real and imagined scenarios Monday. "Oh, Brad, I can't wait four hours to see you. You should fuck me hard, right in this booth," replied the Dream Ginny moments before Leydner achieved orgasm. In the fantasy scenario, Ginny did not hide in the kitchen to avoid speaking to Leydner while he paid for his meal.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close