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Tips

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Wedding Guest Etiquette Tips

Attending a wedding comes with its own set of social graces. The Onion provides a list of basic rules of etiquette for being a polite, congenial wedding guest

How To Prepare A Will

Writing a will ensures the proper distribution of your assets upon your death. The Onion takes you through the steps of preparing this important document

Cover Letter Writing Tips

While a résumé can display your past work experiences, a cover letter is your chance to show prospective employers who you really are and what you bring to the table. Here are The Onion’s tips for writing a memorable cover letter

Tips For Successful Campus Activism

With protests effecting change at colleges and universities across the country, many students are looking to follow the example and bring awareness to causes of their own. Here are The Onion’s tips for successful campus activism

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

How To Arrange A Funeral

Losing a loved one can send mourners into a haze of emotion, and funeral planning can seem like a daunting task amidst one’s grief. Here is The Onion’s step-by-step guide to making funerary preparations

Tips For Throwing The Perfect Baby Shower

Every mother-to-be deserves a celebration of her upcoming arrival, and the best baby shower is one that fuses elegance with good fun. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing the perfect baby shower

Tips For Jury Duty

Being summoned to serve on a jury is every American’s opportunity to participate in the judicial process and perform a civic duty for their community, but it can be a time-consuming and complicated process. Here are The Onion’s tips for serving jury duty:

Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:

SAT Prep Tips

The first SAT test of the new school year takes place November 7, and students’ scores will determine which colleges will take their applications seriously. Here are some tips for acing the SAT and getting into the college of your dreams

How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

It’s not easy to decide when and how to have a discussion with children about sex, and many parents wonder how explicit they should be or where to establish boundaries. Here are The Onion’s tips for having “the talk” with your kids:
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Baby-Care Tips For First-Time Parents

Becoming a parent for the first time can be a bewildering experience. Here are some tips to help you through those hectic first few months:

Doctor, Mother, Baby


  • Wait at least three weeks before tattooing baby
  • If your baby starts to choke, don't help; allowing the infant to cough up the blockage "all-by-myself" will help tremendously in the development of his or her self-esteem
  • Always store baby in a secure, locked drawer when not in use
  • Prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by screaming at baby every five minutes, "Are you okay, baby?!"
  • Babies love to play; grasp baby by ankles and, with a quick snap of the wrist, crack its soft skull against wall or floor
  • Tired of your baby's fat, wrinkled appearance? Apply a hot iron to him or her for 30 seconds on each side
  • Baby carriers are a needless expense; try a metal pail instead
  • Your newborn's tiny fingers and toes look so cute that you may want to just nibble them right off, but don't— fingers and toes do not grow back
  • When mailing baby across country, be sure to poke holes in box
  • Car safety is an important, all-too-often overlooked facet of infant care; when securing baby in spare-tire well, weigh child down with a cinderblock to keep him or her from flying out of pickup bed
  • When referring to baby in third-person, always use pronoun "it"
  • Develop your baby's hand-eye coordination by shooting rubberbands in his or her face; in time, the child will learn to block them
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