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Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:
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Baby-Care Tips For First-Time Parents

Becoming a parent for the first time can be a bewildering experience. Here are some tips to help you through those hectic first few months:

Doctor, Mother, Baby


  • Wait at least three weeks before tattooing baby
  • If your baby starts to choke, don't help; allowing the infant to cough up the blockage "all-by-myself" will help tremendously in the development of his or her self-esteem
  • Always store baby in a secure, locked drawer when not in use
  • Prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by screaming at baby every five minutes, "Are you okay, baby?!"
  • Babies love to play; grasp baby by ankles and, with a quick snap of the wrist, crack its soft skull against wall or floor
  • Tired of your baby's fat, wrinkled appearance? Apply a hot iron to him or her for 30 seconds on each side
  • Baby carriers are a needless expense; try a metal pail instead
  • Your newborn's tiny fingers and toes look so cute that you may want to just nibble them right off, but don't— fingers and toes do not grow back
  • When mailing baby across country, be sure to poke holes in box
  • Car safety is an important, all-too-often overlooked facet of infant care; when securing baby in spare-tire well, weigh child down with a cinderblock to keep him or her from flying out of pickup bed
  • When referring to baby in third-person, always use pronoun "it"
  • Develop your baby's hand-eye coordination by shooting rubberbands in his or her face; in time, the child will learn to block them
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