adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Back-To-School Cheating Tips

As another school year begins, students are getting ready to face a whole new round of tests and quizzes. Here are a few simple tips on how to ace your exams without studying.

  • For all essay tests on poetry, write the title of the poem followed by the words "is about man's relationship with nature."
  • If you're going to permanently tattoo answers onto your forearm, make sure it's for an exam in a subject you really love.
  • Have everyone take out their textbooks and cheat all at once. They can't fail the whole class.
  • When passing notes that have the answers to the test, be sure not to label the note "Test Answers."
  • If you are taking any classes on 1960s American culture, spend all your free time visiting your professor in office hours and asking him about the time he met Timothy Leary.
  • Some schools equip classrooms with hidden cameras to catch cheaters. A simple low-inductance capacitor bank discharged into a single-loop antenna can send out an electromagnetic pulse capable of disabling all cameras within a three-block radius.
  • It is notoriously difficult to cheat on most applied mathematics tests, so it is best to avoid taking these classes altogether.
  • No matter how small, crib notes can be conspicuous. Commit them to memory for an innovative, unencumbered cheating method.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close