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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Backpacker Planning To Shatter Europeans' Preconceptions Of Americans

CHICAGO—Recent college graduate Tyler Hill announced Monday his plans to single-handedly shatter European ideas about American travelers during his upcoming three-week trip to France and Belgium. "I'm not one of those arrogant, Lonely Planet–toting backpackers who thinks he's entitled to everything and can't walk 10 feet without snapping photos of funny-looking street signs," said Hill, noting that he had already decided to eat at a café the Rough Guide To Paris warns is "a little off the beaten path, but popular with locals." "They're going to meet me and think, 'Wow, it really means a lot to me that he took the time to learn a couple of useful phrases in our language.'" Hill added that over the course of the trip, he hopes to meet some Europeans who aren't just a bunch of effeminate, chain-smoking elitists.

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