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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Backpacker Planning To Shatter Europeans' Preconceptions Of Americans

CHICAGO—Recent college graduate Tyler Hill announced Monday his plans to single-handedly shatter European ideas about American travelers during his upcoming three-week trip to France and Belgium. "I'm not one of those arrogant, Lonely Planet–toting backpackers who thinks he's entitled to everything and can't walk 10 feet without snapping photos of funny-looking street signs," said Hill, noting that he had already decided to eat at a café the Rough Guide To Paris warns is "a little off the beaten path, but popular with locals." "They're going to meet me and think, 'Wow, it really means a lot to me that he took the time to learn a couple of useful phrases in our language.'" Hill added that over the course of the trip, he hopes to meet some Europeans who aren't just a bunch of effeminate, chain-smoking elitists.

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